I think i peed on brittanys purse
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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