before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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