I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
