No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm at about main and main street
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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