i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize