I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So vagazzling was a success
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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