my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
