Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
