mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I love you.
Bad choice
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
