I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
