Don't worry. I has chaperone.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
