Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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