I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
