My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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