What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
