well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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