Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The air was thick with penises
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Who put my cat in the fridge?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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