I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
