He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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