If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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