wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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