Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
