i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
