You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
