Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
