Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
