that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
