I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
