Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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