I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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