It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
