I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
