First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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