oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
