I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think people are normalizing furries
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize