I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
