he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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