I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
