i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
