You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can't put those talents on a resume
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
