I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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