Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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