I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Less talking, more tequila
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
