1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
