i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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