is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
