Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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