Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
