I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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