She is in my trunk
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
