You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
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BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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