You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
