If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
