I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
