Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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