I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
look no pants
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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