Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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