We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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