All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
