Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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