Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
