I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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