whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
