I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
